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Maritime Property for sale

See yourself as a bit of a James Bond? Want to own your own speedboat, party and pick up lots of chicks?

Fear not, with this home on the water, now you can!  Amply proportioned and well- appointed property located in the highly sought-after Port area, this property commands stunning views of the harbour. If you’re in the business of people-smuggling or illicit drugs/arms trade, then a tidy living is potentially to be made through transporting same in and out of the port area (*but you must avoid the sniffer dogs and Customs officers!)

This property has the advantage of being fully submersible so should underwater exploration be on your Bucket List, then this is the option for you!

A steal at only €25,000, this mature maritime property  comes to the market with its very own butler (for serving canapés at all those parties you’ll be hosting on board). Enquiries to Howdumbareyoureally@eircom.net

For Sale to the Highest Bidder!

Salt cellar- I mean , bijoux property–  located alongside the highly sought after area of Dublin 2 alongside the tree-lined Canal Bank Walk. Take a leaf out of the pages of Patrick Kavanagh and in this colourful property, suitable for one vertically challenged individual, you could be inspired to write poetry every day! This property also comes with its very own fleet (gaggle? swarm?) of swans  in case you ever get lonely and need company.  Be lulled to sleep every night with the rippling sounds of water flowing and on a sunny day you’ll spot barges gliding along en-route to exotic destinations such as Athlone and Carrick-on-Shannon!

Constructed from reinforced plastic and equipped with its own roof, you’ll be snug and dry every night, regardless of the season!

Property will be listed at Sothebys on 2nd February. For more details, please contact Valuations@nowyou’rereallyhavingalaugh.com

For Sale: Mobile home of Dreams

Ever wanted the freedom and independence of your own home with the added advantage of being able to travel at a moment’s notice? Well now you CAN have the home of your dreams!

Don’t let the lack of windows put you off! This mobile home-on-wheels requires only a little imagination to transport one to far distant shores (of one’s own mind! )Coming into the market in pristine condition, this is a home fit for cash -strapped but aspiring upwardly mobile (geddit?) millennials who want the freedom to travel without leaving the confines of their room! A real bargain at only €800 per inch of space, this home is retro-fitted with its own slate roof and comes with its own wheels (the car is extra!) . Enquiries to info@youmustbejoking.ie

The ultimate box room

Unemcumbered by elaborate frills, this bijou easily maintained box room is suitable for a Westmeath student or 45 poor Brazilians.

Boasting easily recycled materials and thus contributing to the salvation of the planet, this green home from home is also environmentally friendly.*

Distinctly advantageous for seekers of copious amounts of vitamin D (at no extra charge), and/or dedicated consumers of fresh air.

Rent: All extortionate offers considered – references essential. Non–smoking and couples need not apply, unless they are very petite.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*except to the residents.

 

Riverside dream

 

Idlyllic rural riverside retreat with charming characterisitcs redolent of an old world grandeur rarely found in properties of this type.

Although situated in Navan the arsehole end of the universe (and nothing like the salubrious scintilatiling wonderfulness of Carlow), this must be seen to be believed.

Appearences do not lie and words are insufficent to describe the unassailable splendor of this majestic setting!

Located on the banks of the beguiling Boyne river this one storey cottage is possessed of excellent air conditioning and splendid skylights from which the stars can be seen every night of the year – whether you want to or not.

This bespoke stonework echoes the palatial villas of Tuscany with the added bonus of its riverside setting where salmon will be seen leaping over the weir and birdsong greets you as the dawn breaks over the sylvan paradise of the Ramparts, site of many an act of teenage high jinks and rise in Navan’s population.

 

 

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