You Don’t Have To Be A Sardine To Live Here But………

Have you always dreamed of a life afloat? Have you ever looked at a can of newly opened sardines and thought – “they look so cosy and content in that compact yet entirely adequate accommodation?”

Of course you have!

Well, look no further. We have the perfect platform to make your life as a human sardine a reality!

A floating tin can!

Yes, you read that correctly – your very own floating tin can, at a price that won’t drain your finances.

Situated in the rapidly developing Docklands area, enviably located right beside the 3 Arena, and only a few oar lengths from Dublin Port Ferry Terminal, this is a superb springboard to a better life on the ocean blue*

You will feel pampered and privileged** when you wake every morning to the mellifluous sound of sea gulls serenading the arrival of another sun-drenched day in Dublin Port.

You will positively love the smell of diesel in the morning – occasionally too, small chemical spillages from passing freighters catch fire, and the toast tastes absolutely exotic! [Modest additional charge for this extra amenity]

Your morning swim (whether voluntary or accidental) can double as a treasure-hunting expedition cum salvage operation – the China market is awash (pardon the pun!) right now with urgent requests for abandoned shopping trolleys, rusting bicycles and washing machine carcasses! Your future waterside residence comes with the potential to make a killing! [Caution advised: takes no responsibility for any resulting loss of life, severe paralysis, or mental derangement. We’re still paying out for the last tenant].

All-in-all, this is an incredible opportunity – you won’t be able to believe your eyes when you see it in person. Literally. Email today:

Bring a wetsuit, flippers, twenty-five towels, fire lighters, seven wooden pallets and a sense of adventure. Possibly a rescue dolphin. Home insurance optional.

Note: This is a studio flat, not suitable for couples. Unless one is a mermaid. Or merman. We do not discriminate.


*Imagination required. Ocean=Liffey. Blue=dirty brown. Literal mindedness or functioning sensory ability not recommended

**Comparison details available on request. Please see ‘Hellholes and Torture Chambers: Abominable Suffering In The World’s Worst Accommodation”.